Revival
It took almost two years to rebuild my lost sense of passion and decide to start blogging again. Used to think that I write because i think it is cool to have a blog but seems now that that was not entirely the reason i did. As i have grown over the years, I realized that to pen down you must have an already built opinion about what you are going to write. Lately what ever I have thought off ..I have also counter thought off..and thats when the writer's block comes. I dont know which way to go..But deliberation is required as you involve urself with several experiences..that is what I thought I would do from now

i have been looking for answers for vey long. jobless and thoughtless, i m feeling a deep pain just below my heart. have u al ever felt this non love induced pain. I wish u all do .

the invisible loop

just when i thought that the tides have gone back and that rewind clip has paused for good, i saw the invisible loop forming out of nothing. people say i write the obvious ,but what the fuck who cares. Am i not supposed to puke just because some fucking asshole faints by the stench of it. All this while i was trying to be suave and sophisticated ,trying to figure out whats wrong ,what is lacking what is it that doesnt let me breathe without a gliche but boss life doesnt answer things it doesnt understand. It will never let you see its own loopholes. Instead it will make them seem to you like whirlpools and u ll keep getting lost every time . I cant even say it is fatigue and nor it is boredom. I wish i could understand but there is a lot of agitation ,and a lot of speculation . anxieties over this nuthingness is not a good thing to happen to humans but it seems to be running over me al the time. disgust ,dissatisfaction ,conceit and absurdities , aaah , life is reciting twisted tales. unfinished tunes are playing at the backdoor and i can c a piperman standing in white clothes. I m definitely not happy . hanging in mid air ,i wish my mind could stop wandering , But no ,it doesnt seem so, I guess i ll have to dance to these cacophonies till the end ,till the records weather and the speakers go dead.

dissonance!!

sometimes it seems i got nuthin special to write down but guess its nice induging in random ramblings once or twice . it keeps my thoughts fluid ,otherwise they freeze in ur head making it bigger than what they actually were . these are like dormant bombs kindled but the fire hasnt started . so before your head goes bursting into a million pieces you should diffuse them and let the ink of ur pen cool them down . sometimes they are different from the rest who stay up there,stubborn and arrogant they start fighting for their own space ...may be they dont deserve it but they still try . these thoughts are just like people around us,they try to invade even when they see you in ur cozy slumber, they wake you up and make u do things which were meant for another day..u were sleeping like an angel but these demons they never understand the beauty of sleep do they...i ll probably take a guest lecture in hell one day...gunite ..i must say writing is the best doctor you can ever have.

in thin air all my castles stand..

few months back i used to read ,read a lot of faces ..most of the times the thoughts that ran behind overwhelmed my sense of sight..the freckles and the frown faded away in sometime and i started weaving a long story ,a tale of my imaginations..sipping the tea in my favorite kaanch glasses, i wondered whether the owner of the cafe loved his wife or beat his chidren after getting drunk . embarassing to pen it down but sometimes i also speculated his sexual life. To get into the life of another human is like walking through the same black tunnel..the tunnels whose noises keep me awake..like a constant hammer banging through each corner of my head,the darkness keeps u wary of the corners and edges ,some of them u find and some u just bump over..and there are a other few ,which u dont c nor trip over , u make them up yourself,imagine new dark rocky castles in the air and u are happy cause you think they are real and they live just like us. every day the same man and the same cafe,i kept carving my own story ,his gazes for some strange reason the smile on the man's face held me in awe..his dedication to serve everyone made me feel small..to have his samosas ready on time with the most amazing cup of tea every morning before the college started made me wonder if i can do that for someone ever..i thought there is a story behind this man's life and his benignity..his dignity stood so tall that the triviality of his occupation seemed insignificant .

waiting for the spring!!!!!!!!!!!

a brief moment..i m walkin, paddling through but no ground seems to be there beneath..i fly high to kiss the sky ..but is there a sky above or i am chasing jovan musk i am wearing tonight..time and space both have lost their dimension and so..well so have I........................the dead and living are diffusing and i can see none..sublimated boundaries,i have been swimming in the mist for so many days ,ironically once upon a time i hated to swim cause i thought i had no lifeguards to save me ..climbing on my angel's back the world was like heaven to me..that moment of eternity the green sea felt warm, the strokes of the tides were cool caresses..but today the music of the breeze is harsh..a tune i had never dreamt to sing..the gentle touch bruises me..the birds prefer to live in vacuum,,no dreams to fly no hopes to die,,but yeah i guesss i ll live ,not sleep ,i want to survive ,,the winds will turn around and the duststorm i shall enjoy,and laugh and laugh loud..when the autumn shall arrive ,i wil garden the spring flowers,,and the spring shall live ,the orchids ,the fragrance all shall pervade in the duststorm..i shall not die before the spring,i promise.

and i go ahead

another day another evening and yet another night of eternal loneliness..sitting here in front of the screen i think of a 100 things but not what i really want to think..beautiful day with somewhat substantial exhange of exotic thoughts,great food and in the night a sweet lullaby..lullaby which is hard to resist nice to hear but then u never listen to the full story . midway the watchmen of slumberland march down to wake me up..noticed nuthin special today except for a greater understanding of what makes me happy..gunite

possession

however back i go i it seems i have lived either to have somethin to give something and if nuthin else then probably to be something.is it just the sole feeling of possession that drives our movements... wanting everything our way is so intrinsic to humans..noone lives to accept the world in its true shape ..had this not been the men of this world would have never altered the earth to be what it is today..the refusal to submit to someone else's framework makes us wander and persist . to love and live without having it called insanity ..insanity is like sour grapes.. if only i could have been a maverick i wouldnt have denounced them so much..it takes long to filter out of this obscurity and recognise ur own streak of madness ,,the day u ll do that u ll be free not to choose . we all seek freedom to choose but the choice in itself is binding. the fuki of madness is latent in all of us but we have not been taught to appreciate it ..and if we dont learn it today ..we ll never be happy ..dont die to be ..try living for not being to be..its beautiful and yeah the peace is the bonus

if only i knew what should i call it

the air feels colder than the usual.. the warmth i thought , would thaw this frozen lump but guess this year the winds dont favour the driftin corpse.. the bird keeps singin all over and the sun does his bit of serious hardwork but the leaves have decided not to move. the still in the surrounding is uncomforting . walkin down my campus , i felt i was the only one crawling while everything else lay calm like stoned for days ..the leaves gave me static stares ..they al stopped for me to start the rambling ..even nature can trip on u to soothe its own fancies , cryptically though ..u gotta follow the signs to figure out what it means ..the monkeys keep jumpin, slight music in the backdrop,the curled up grasses ,the cracking earth they all sign and hint but guess noone can empathise to their levels...so we prefer to call it fate ..i call it ignorance ,,look back at those still snapshots they all wanted to tell u something...